Friday, November 9, 2012

Snooki Quotes

1. Let's just get wasty pants.


2. I mean if I was a guy, I would f*ck Paula. Hello, she's hot.

   
3. Let's have bunny sex!!


4. I'm gonna show off my tat. Don't mess with me in here Party Lane.

5. Uh, my ass is, like, protruding...Protruding. The word of the day. Use it.

6. Deena's hair is f*cking disgusting right now. You might as well go Britney Spears and shave it off.

7. We're not going to remember it. We're probably gonna make out. Team Meatballs!




8. I'm thinking like, the girl you brought home last night stole your chain, obvi. She probably stuffed it in her ass crack.

9. I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It's like an overwhelming feeling I can't even explain. It's just weird.

10. My bed is my bed and I peed in it last year, so who would want to sleep in that bed?

11. I actually want to get a boob job because I love Jennis boobs. Everyone Ive ever known who has had boob jobs says its awesome! Im scared because if I go under anesthesia, Im scared Im going to be awake the whole time.




12. I need a talk show in my life.

13. When Jersey Shore ends I'm going to do more spinoffs. If MTV doesn't want them, another network will be, like: "What does Snooki do now?" or "Snooki's getting married!" What I'd like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions. I'm trying to build an empire, because after this I can't get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?

14. I don't think I represent anybody. I just go in and have a good time. It just so happens thats the lifestyle here. I don't think I'm a role model. I'm just a normal person. I'm not trying to go out on the show and be like: "All right, all the little girls watch me and do this".When I see seven-year-olds, they're like: "Oh, I envy you". I'm like: "Why? You're seeing me party.That's not something you should envy".

15. I think no one knows how we really are. Obviously you see us on the show we party, we do this, and we do that. But outside of the show, were very quiet. I'll go to fricking Barnes & Nobles, get a coffee and just sit down and read. No one would ever think that. We have different sides to us and people don't see that.

16. Life is tough enough. Might as well do the easy stuff to make yourself feel better.

17. I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning… because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.




18. I hate guys. I'm turning lesbian. I swear.

19. You look at me you think I'm like a stuck up bitch, but yet, like, veterinarian, like that's my soul, like I f... like, save animals, like that's what I do.

20. I don't eat frigging lobster or anything like that. Because they're alive when you kill it.

21. This are the 3 things I think Im addicted to: Bronzer, Boys & Alcohol.

22. Oh my God! Someone needs to kiss my ass asap!

23. I will pee in a bush, I will shit in a bush, I will hide in a bush.

24. Even though we're tiny bitches I don't give a shit. I will f... attack you like a squirrel monkey.

25. Seriously like who pee's in a bar?

26. I call my vibrator the Elmo, because you know like tickle me Elmo.

27. Lol so I'm the asshole in the bathroom that can't get the motion censored water and soap to come out and waving my hand for 5 minutes.


28. You haven't see nothing yet till' you see me at the JERSEY F... SHORE! See ya later mum!


29. I swear on my cat's grave.

30. I don't wanna be friends with you ever again cause you're a f... jerkoff.

31. Old people they lose their sex life and that's not a good time. That's why they get divorced all the time.

32. I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.


33. I am tanned; I like being tanned, BITCH!


34. I haven't had sex in like four months. Right now I need to be smushing!

35. Everybody Google it, because that's why the water is salty. F... whale sperm.

36. I'm a f... good person!

37. I feel like I'm gonna be like a tornado. I'm just gonna go from place to place like destroying it.


38. I got a boner.

39. Every time I get excited I have to poop.

40. Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience.

41. I really don't want to cheat, like seriously, I don't want to… but if you're gonna hand me a bottle of frigging SoCo, something just comes over me, like I just go crazy.

42. Whiskey sex is the best. It's when a guy can't have sex for like five hours because he's so drunk. Or his penis is so drunk.

43. Our friendship is like a roller coaster, we hook up and then we yell at each other and then we don't talk to each other for a couple days.



44. I'm trying to be sexy, it's not working.


45. I can do the worm pretty good.

46. The party get it all out freaking do everything that you can have sex with an old man and steal a plant and get arrested and then do whatever.

47. If I could have Ron or Sam back next summer, I would want Ron. Don't tell her I said that.

48. After I run for president, Deena is going to be vice-president. I would get $h!t done in this country. The economy would rise, everyone would be tan, and all the radios would play house music.


49. We're in Seaside. Leave us alone.


50. I look like a pale freak. I feel like Vinny.

51. Whoever I have babies with has to be Italian. I want my kids last name to have a vowel on it... and be tanned, obviously.

52. Your mood is good, your nails are good. (to Sam)

53. I can have a good time without drinking, f*%k you alcohol.


54. I definitely want to try again with Vinny, I actually named his penis Moby Dick.


55. Thank you, Mike, because you're an a-hole and we hate you and you're a bad person and you were born in 1965.

56. Whatever... f*%k my life. Sh!t happens.

57. Can you look at me real quick?! WATCH THE ROAD!!!! But do I look hot???

58. If you don't want to cuddle, thanks for the braciola but no dinner dates with you and me, goodbye, never see you again.



59. The staircase is really small and the bed is really wide. It's kind of like an analogy of Vinny's penis not fitting in my pinhole.

60. Jenni looks so hot. Like porn star hot. If Roger wasn't here then I would probably have sex with her.

61. I look like a hot drunk baseball player right now and I'm lovin' it. BATTER UP, BITCHES!

62. I remember I (masturbated) all day once and the next day I couldn't even move.

63. It doesn't come up "Stripper Pole" on my credit card, right? 'Cause my Dad would be like "what the f*%k?!"

64. Seeing Jenni crying and breaking down... it breaks my heart and it makes me want to find Tom and chop his nuts off.

65. I couldn't even tell you how I felt in that jail cell. It was like a f*%king phenomenon ... I'm not a phenomenon. I'm a train wreck.

66. I don't want to drink anymore, but I feel like if I was sober, I'd be bored.

67. Every time I get really excited, like if we go to a club, I have to poop my pants. If we go to a party, I have to poop my pants, if I go on a date, like this, with a hot guy, I have to poop my pants.

68. Any Pinot's okay. Pregnant people do it.

69. It's kinda like a disease to Snook-for-Love. It's worse than a staph infection.

70. Stop caring and f*%k me!

71. If I want a beer, then I can have a beer. This isn't law school, it's a t-shirt shop.

72. My vagina's out.


73. Oh my God, bitch. You're such a whore. Why were you like that? (to Sammi)


74. Snooki: We still care about this girl.
JWoww: No. No. No.

75. When I see everyone drinking with me it's like Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

76. A crow comes and it starts quacking at us ... or not quacking, what does a crow do?

77. If you want me to cook and poison everybody and we're gonna be dead in two minutes? Whatever.


78. I am so excited because we are going to see the crocodiles.

79. That's actually one of my fantasies, for a fireman to, like, come rescue me, like put out my fire literally, with a fire outcome.

80. Tanned; guido; juicehead gorilla; big sense of humor; likes to party; fist-pumps; frolics; isn't a jerkoff; a dork at heart; pays for meals; smells good; nympho; likes pickles; takes interest in my hobbies; very protective; not so serious; likes to sleep in. (her list of criteria for a man)

81. Hold my earrings.




82. I think Angelina loves my sloppy seconds. She goes to Vinny and she's trying to go to what's-his-name. Like, what are you doing? If you want to make out with me, just ask. I will say yes.

83. You had my sloppy seconds. Good for you. And obviously you're loosey goosey because he got in it. (on Angelina)

84. And if it's a smush, you gotta put lotion on your butt.

85. FYI, I'm not cooking tacos tonight.

86. I'm very excited for him to come over and you know, get it in.



87. Snooki: I'm not white.
Jenni: What are you?
Snooki: Tan.

88. I feel like you f-ked me. Yes, I'm very pissed off at you. But I love you. I'm going to give you another chance. (to Emilio)

89. Sympathetic. Word of the day... that's a big word!

90. Snooki: You farted and it's coming in my mouth & nose.
Angelina: Oops.

91. Eventually Sammi's gonna find out, and ... I don't know what to do. It's just a big ball of f*%kness. That's a new word: f*%kness.

92. White's in Miami... what if you get your period? It's ruined.

93. Guys are douchebags and I hate them all. They don't know how to treat women, and I feel like this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this country.

94. Ow. It hurts my vagina.

95. Guy on phone: May I speak to Angelina?
Snooki: No, she died. (hangs up)

96. The glasses are all bling bling ... But when you put them on you can't really see. So I don't think you can drive with them because you can't really see.


97. JWoww: When I saw Angelina I was like "that's the icing on the cake."
Snooki: I'm going to act like she's a fly on the wall and pretend she's not there.

98. My bronzer is leaking off my face.

99. I was honestly going to put my hat down so I could get money. (on her one-woman dance party)


100. The Situation: If you're hungry, try a snickers.
Snooki: Yeah, try me.


101. I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much.

102. If you leave, I'm going to stuff your nose with Tampons. (to JWoww)

103. Oh my god. F*%king Christmas. (on the feast)

104. Please don't tell me I have missing teeth!



105. I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my fricking mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled.



106. When I say I'm ready to go wild, I'm gonna go wild.

107. Mike can be a nice guy. Like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. But that's what I like ... a good guy and a jerk off, it's all in the same.

108. I am a princess at home, like, I am the f*%king princess of f*%king Poughkeepsie. Here, I am nobody. I'm, like, emotionally exhausted.

109. He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron.

110. We are going to Space.. Space means like guidos juicehead gorillas, sexy, tanned, sweaty boys.. & house music.

111. (Vinny)'s like my big brother, I love him... but usually you don't have sex with your big brother.

112. I thought I broke my vagina bone... it was terrible.

113. Grenade Grundle Chodes. All the guys coming up to me are disgusting.


114. I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds, good for you… & obviously you’re loosey-goose cuz he got it in.

115. All I was doing was trying to be a good friend & Angelina is a two-face b*tch.

116. I'm just very excited for him to come over & ya know... get it in.

117. Mommy? That's gangsta… I'm a guidette!

118. I wanna go on a boat, an island… filled with gorillas.


119. Jen, you’re f*ckin’ retarded for agreeing with Angelina… and Angelina, shut the f*ck up, cuz who are you?

120. Rudy is so gay! Gay pride, yay!

121. Do you know what gay guys do? They’re not attracted to vagina, they’re attracted to a**hole.

122. Me & Jenni are terrified to go come back to the house, we just don’t want to deal with the drama… that WE caused.

123. I can't see any ice creams, I can't see any customers, cuz I'm a f*ckin' Smurf.

124. The glasses are pretty much all crystalled out, all bling-bling, but when you put them on you can’t really see... so I don’t think you can't drive with them.. because you’ll get a ticket.

125. Emilo: How many balls do you want? Snooki: I want two… in my face.

126. Now I know that they all love me like I love them. Like, I stuck up for them - that's why I got hit in the face, and I think they realize that and they realize I'm a nice person and I care about everybody in this house and now they all feel the same way about me.

127. She gives great advice. (in response to JWOWW saying: "Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily.")

128. I wanted to stab him in the f*cking eyeball with my fork.

129. It’s A.C. b*tch, what happens in A.C. stays in A.C.

130. I think my crotch is sticking out.

131. My boobs are so tight I can’t breathe, is that normal?

132. I was wearing my corset, I look slutty, but I don’t give a f*ck. I can wear whatever the f*ck I want.


What do you think of Snooki's quotes?

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