Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tracy Morgan Quotes

1. If I don't offend somebody, then I'm probably not funny.


2. The future is like a Japanese game show, you have no idea what's going on.



3. I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude.

4. I grew up in the projects in Brooklyn, and I consider myself lucky and blessed to be where I am - just working.


5. I just want to be funny, I just want to do comedy.



6. A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.



7. I'm the face of post racial America, deal with it Cate Blanchett.

8. I'm around my kids every day. I'm regular. We're a regular family. My wife cooks, she washes clothes, I read books, I pump my own gas, I get my own hair cut.


9. I was supposed to be in that movie Rush Hour, but 2 weeks into shooting, I was replaced by Jackie Chan.

10. The night is young and neither are you.

11. I was like any other inner-city kid with a chip on his shoulder because his daddy and his mommy wasn't together.

12. Tina Fey and I had an agreement that if Barack Obama won, I would speak for the show (30 Rock) from now on.


13. It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona - nobody's buying it!

14. You want to know what happiness is? It's having something to look forward to, and I have all that stuff to look forward to. Right now, I'm just basking in the glory. I'm just enjoying my time in the spotlight.

15. I spread love wherever I'm at. I'm like Marvin Gaye.

16. White people stole jazz, rock n' roll, Will Smith and heart disease.



17. You can do one of two things: You can be the artist that paints the picture, or you can be in the picture. Once you're in the picture, it's not funny.

18. And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

19. Freaky-deakies need love too.

20. I've dated all the females on "Flavor of Love".


21. I think the word "pregnant" is funny.

22. Live every week like it's Shark Week.

23. Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags.

24. Martin Lawrence is one of my comedic heroes, and he's a genius.


25. I would love to try action films.


26. Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

27. That's why I can't watch "American Idol"...it is like karaoke without the booze.

28. I'm not an expert at morality, but isn't that wrong?



29. I don't have to wait until I'm in some comedy club, onstage with a stool and a water and a mic. I'm funny everywhere.


30. Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.

31. I learned the word "black" in every language just so I know when to be offended.

32. I got a call from my manager. He said: "Dude, dude, you're nominated!" Then I fell back asleep. I was out cold. LeBron James got into my dreams. He said I was nominated!


33. I'm a big, big movie fan. I watch "The Ten Commandments" and the original "Planet of the Apes" every night.






34. I don't need therapy, I'm just mentally ill.


35. The perception that our community is Oz, that it's The Wire, that's not how it always is in the 'hood.There's little girls jumping double-dutch, there's little boys playing skelly, opening up the Johnny pump. There's beauty there.




36. Reality is the scary thing. Not my work, not comedy.

37. We're a team now, like Batman and Robin, like chicken and a chicken container.


38. I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me.




39. I'm just doing karate and trying to get females pregnant.
   
40. What I have learned over the years is to try to stay in the moment. I want to feel it all because I've realized nothing lasts.


41. Here comes the fun cooker!


42. "Saturday Night Live" was like a university for funny.

43. People walked out on Richard Pryor and he's the funniest man alive.

44. You will be surprised but I do a lot of studying and I watch National Geographic.


45. So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.

46. You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing.

47. I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror.

48. I had a great time working on "Saturday Night Live." It was one of the important times in my life.

49. I don't really have an opinion. Opinions are like buttholes - everybody's got one, and they all stink.


50. What do you mean "let me?" I'm Dad! I do what I want to do! I walk around buck nekkid. My kids hate it, but I walk around the house with no drawers on. I go commando in my house!


51. My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.


52. It's just, people recognize you for your work, you know? They love you for your work, and they judge you for your work. It's awesome to have people quoting you. I love it.




53. What am I afraid of? The IRS. That's it. I don't want those people knockin' on my door, man.

54. Twenty-one years is a pretty long walk in the park with someone. So for us to come to this conclusion, it was like a death in the family.


55. Stand-up is my foundation. That's where it started at. And I love it because it's personal. It's mine. It's all me. It's my experience in life.





56. I love "30 Rock" because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week.

57. I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.


58. Comedy clubs are sacred ground. That's where anything goes.

59. I've always been voted most unlikely. Now that I'm making it, everybody's paying attention to everything I say.

60. I deal with my sons like young men. If they have a problem with something, they come to me. I am the type of dad that will drop everything I am doing for them, and always tell them to talk to me about it.


What do you think of Tracy Morgan's quotes?


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